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I have been friends for more than 20 years, who has overcome numerous obstacles, which I admire. Yet, she has been often caught off guard in relationships. Her spouse ended their marriage, which came as a huge shock. Several of her social circle vanished at that point, as they were focused solely on the spouse. She was stunned by her. She put in increased attention toward our bond, probably understood more acutely the essence of true friendship.

A Recurring Theme In Relationships

Throughout this period, quite a few in her circle have disappeared and she isn't knowing the cause. The company she worked for became hostile, even though she had been highly competent, her exit happened not understanding why things shifted.

Current Dynamics

Lately, both of us left the workforce leading to more frequent meetups, but I am finding my position in our friendship is to listen. I introduce topics of conversation only for her to redirect them to things she cares about. Regarding political views, she holds unyielding views. My effort is to suggest factchecking or other angles.

She is planning a holiday to a nation I have traveled to repeatedly and resided in for some time. I attempted to offer insights, but this was unappreciated. She really solely sought my agreement with her plans. I recently ended a month there she is eager to catch up, but I don't.

Weighing the Options

I hesitate in this role who cuts and runs abruptly, but I don't think she'll truly grasp the impact of her behaviour on my self-esteem. Right now, I am in avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Possible Paths

You could walk away, yet this is seldom the easy answer we imagine. But confrontation with a view to working things out requires bravery and readiness for each of you.

Experts suggest using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one is to state what typically happens during your discussions. This needs to be objective and clear and essentially what a recording device would replay. Next is to express her how it leaves you feeling. This allows for no argument about this. Emotions belong to you, naturally. Step three involves requesting how you are both going to change the pattern of your friendship."

Consider she too has her own side, so you need to be prepared to hear that. An approach that works is to say her:

"Now you talk and I promise to not say anything for 30 minutes."

It's remarkably successful for promoting mutual respect.

Closing Considerations

Your friend might reject your concerns, for those who cling to a “survival narrative”: they rely on a narrative regarding their experiences they won't release since their identity depends upon it and it's all familiar to them. This poses a challenge when there seems no thoroughfare with these people, mere obstacles. Yet she could initially present this way and then think on your words. And even if a resolution isn't found an agreement, it provides peace from having been open and direct.