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I have just returned from a jog. It’s shocking to admit that statement. I think it might have been many years since I last did so. But I recently discovered that my levels show slightly high cholesterol, and the recommendation was to perform intense workouts frequently.

For the first time ever in my life that the reason to exercise has been my bodily well-being. During earlier years, I jogged because I aimed to slim down. I also jogged to manage nervousness – I was just running away from the worry, not addressing it. Sometimes, I jogged because I wanted to get better in running. This was the meaning to me back then to create a superior lifestyle.

Running for a different reason at present got me thinking about the methods I’ve connected with my physical self over my lifetime and how this is changing as I transition from early adulthood to being a middle-aged person. I believe not I’ve respected my body, not deep down. I’ve prized it only for its capabilities and the objectives it served me: aiming to appeal; dodging sentiments; completing a speedier five kilometers. Up to now, I failed to grasp that I am my body, it is my existence, rather than an instrument for achievements.

A lot has been explored through history about the division involving physical and mental aspects – a topic it’s reassuring to know, I’ll avoid detailing in this piece. What I’ve found most fascinating is Freud’s understanding that consciousness and physique are innately connected from the beginning, because bodily growth requires psychological development and the reverse is true. The newborn’s corporeal feelings – such as the bodily feeling of hunger – motivate the mind to cultivate the capacity to perceive hunger as an emotion that is alleviated by nourishment; and the mental reassurance and satisfaction consistently provided by feed after feed feeds the infant’s psyche just as the milk sustains them physically. Likewise mental events – for instance the urge to get up and reach for something, and the determination to persist through effort – are why and how the body develops power. From our earliest moments, our body and mind are intertwined in reciprocal evolution as connected as a double helix.

Yet I have noticed, in sessions with my therapist, that mental and physical aspects might experience a different kind of relationship – a more separated and somewhat abusive. My consciousness might utilize my body to retain and express elements that my mind views undesirable or unacceptable. In analysis we’ve become aware that exist particular emotional states that I worry I can’t handle; in place of feeling these mentally, I subconsciously shift them to my physical self, where they remain as physical symptoms.

I previously experienced this with indigestion – unrelated to food intake, but was a type of bodily backlash of the sharper sentiments I was unable to process in my mind. This was not an intentional act, but after it was introduced to awareness in sessions, and my dread and sensitivity and anger and alarm were experienced and put into words in place of changed into physical sensation, it resolved. It’s uncommon for me with digestive issues now.

The toughest period I experienced this terrible acid reflux, I was unable to sleep for several nights in a row. I felt I was slipping away from my sanity. I consulted my doctor, who arranged all sorts of diagnostic procedures, but no issues were found physically wrong. It was an alternate medic who told me that the origin might be mental. My analyst concurred. I was shocked, but I also knew it was accurate.

Whenever someone experiences a physical symptom, it can be upsetting upon hearing that it may have a psychological cause. They can experience like disrespect, being told that their symptom isn’t real. And of course it’s a real phenomenon – individuals may experience their symptoms dismissed or wrongly assessed. However, sometimes it’s possible that the physical symptoms are genuine – certainly – and the origin is psychological, the inner mind employing the physique to manifest emotional hurt or rage or whatever emotion awareness cannot tolerate. Occasionally, we might assume our emotions matters solely only through expression as bodily symptoms. We often undervalue our minds as individuals, collectively and within our culture; how else do we accept the appalling elimination of mental health treatments through health services?

Life lessons have revealed that a better life cannot be built when we are stuck unawares in ways of relating, internally and in relationships, that stem from disrespect, exploitation and exchange. Such patterns tend to be simpler to identify “out there” in broader culture. It may be less comfortable to reflect on where they come from, and to see these shapes within ourselves and within our closest relationships, in the workings of our mental lives.

But it’s worth persevering. When I put my jogging shoes once more after such a long decade, heading out not to get physical improvement, or to escape a feeling, or to surpass a running record, {it